We are shaped by our stories...

I'm reading a wonderful book by James Bryan Smith...The Good and Beautiful God. I recommend it highly. Today, something I read in Proverbs 23 intersected for me with what James has been saying in the opening chapters of his book. I debated whether to blog on this verse today, because in part, it has to do with food...and I've already written about that topic...but as is often the case, I usually feel compelled to write on certain verses, even when I might not want to discuss that subject....

This is the first verse in Proverbs 23:

"When you sit to dine with ruler, note well what is before you, and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony."

As I've shared previously, I began reading the Proverbs when I was a young teen...and for many, many years...read them through, month after month...the chapter coinciding with the day of the month. This historical tidbit is important because you need to understand how many hundreds of times I've read this verse in chapter 23...I couldn't count the times I've read it. For more than 30 years, I have never read this verse without self-identifying as a glutton. If I am entirely honest and transparent with you, every mention of the word "glutton" in scripture is painful to me, because I believe that it exposes something in me that other people know and dislike about me.

Since my Mom's death in August, the past 68 days have been in large part, focused on re-writing the "gluttony narrative" of my life. Smith talks about our "narratives" in his book, so I'll come back to that point in just a moment...

As I came out of the week after Mom's funeral, it seemed to me that God had in mind to change some things in me...and to change the way I see certain things in my life. There is not time or space to detail the various areas where I believe God is at work, but one of the issues is gluttony; and because today's verse raises the issue, I wanted to talk about it. Since I was a very young kid, I have struggled with being overweight...whether I was always overweight according to the physicians 'height-weight chart', I couldn't tell you with certainty...but in terms of family and societal expectations for young girls, I was considered overweight. It became a part of my embedded life narrative, if you will...and for my entire life, has been like a ball and chain hanging around my neck.

In The Good and Beautiful God, Smith says,

"We are shaped by our stories. In fact, our stories, once in place, determine much of our behavior, without regard to their accuracy or helpfulness. Once these stories are in our minds, they stay there largely unchallenged until we die."

As I sat with my Mom during her final week of her earthly life, I had alot of time to ponder my story...what I've done with my life thus far...and what I want to do with my remaining years...

While reading Smith's book last week, I found it a powerful affirmation of what I've been considering and praying about these last 8 weeks. All of us need to look at our stories, the "narratives" that have come to define who we are through the course of our lifetimes...we need to assess whether these narratives are accurate or helpful, and determine where change is necessary. Smith goes on to say this,

"When the Spirit has changed our narratives sufficiently, we begin to think differently."

I love this, because it is in complete sync with another quote I recently hung on the wall in my bedroom:

TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR MIND, AND TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.

What are you thinking...? About yourself...about the significant others in your life...about God...about what you want to do with the life that you've been given? Our thoughts are a choice...but managing our thought life and pointing it in a positive direction doesn't necessarily come naturally...and in my own experience...it is a very challenging discipline...

For me, the narrative of gluttony has been both bondage and excuse...it has kept me from being the person I am and want to be...and from living the life I want to live. The road to a new narrative is available to me, if I allow God to renew my mind, and make it a habit to change the way that I think about myself and about the life I've been given.

I realize that most people don't have an issue with gluttony, and that seeing the word "gluttony" on the page will barely register on the emotional radar for those folks...still...I think it's likely you have something else in your narrative that is either inaccurate or unhelpful, and might be holding you back from living the life you'd really love to live. If that's the case, I hope these ideas have been helpful to you...and if your narrative is "all good," then I'll just say Thank you! for letting me share part of my story today.