ContemplativeJourney

...for my Mom to look this good again. I remember at the time, I was so distressed by how frail she looked, but as I sit here with her tonight, and listen to the bubbles in the oxygen machine, I would give anything for her to be back up, holding Lexi. She's holding Ava in this picture. Her first great-grandchild. Ava will be 3 in September, and her sister Lexi turned 1 on this past Thursday. Lexi was due in November of 2009, and was born in July...she weighed just 1 lb, 5 oz at birth, and is one of the micro-preemie miracle babies that survive amazing odds. We celebrated Lexi's birthday today with family and friends, but Mom of course, was not able to be with us. She is sleeping beside me now, and I'm trying to understand how to live in the world without my Mom in it. When I think about people who loose their mother's at a younger age, especially kids...I am grateful to have had my Mom for so long...still, there is never a time when life without a Mom is a good thing.

I like this picture...when I first saw it, I thought the person was looking through binoculars, but then realized that it's a camera... For my purposes, it would have been better if it was binoculars, because it spoke to the idea of standing in waist deep water, rain pouring down...but still looking for something...for answers. On first impression, it said something to me about not giving up...and it also depicts the feeling I currently have of standing in deep water. I had lunch with a friend today, and I realized again that I'm fortunate to have good people who will stick with me during this dark period in my life. If I was the photographer in the picture above, it would make complete sense to me that I'd be standing in the rain, taking pictures of rain...because all I can see at the moment is rain. I do not see a rainbow, but I've seen them in the past, so I know that they exist...and I guess I'll see one again someday. I remember the last rainbow I saw...i

I can't decide...about the red door or the blue door...or about much of anything else these days. I have heard quite a lot of teaching over the last two years on the subject of dualistic thinking...also known as "black and white" thinking... In contemplative teaching and thought, dualistic thinking is discouraged, and we are encouraged to recognize that situations are usually more about "both/and" than they are "either/or." Recently, I find myself struggling with the issue, and the idea that everything belongs, and in a sense, that every line of thinking is equally valid. In evangelistic thought, this approach to life and theology would be labeled relativism , and would be seen as a bad thing. As someone coming from an evangelistic background, I find myself ever more confused by what to believe, or not believe...and whether it really matters much, either way. If everything is equally valid, what it the point of any belief system at all? More to the poi

I did it. I took the Mac back...I guess I'm a PC after all. I'm not sure that I'm happy about this particular element of self-discovery, but I missed the Windows interface (or at least that's what the Mac salesperson diagnosed as my ailment). I'll just go along with it, because I don't have any better reason. Have I mentioned that I don't like change? It's not something I'm proud about, because life is about change, if it's about anything at all...everything is in motion...moving, constantly changing...and I, I am a creature of tenacious habit. Butterflies are symbolic of change...of growth...coming out of the cocoon, so to speak. Sometimes I watch people deal with change, and am in awe...and jealous too...I just don't seem to handle change with much grace. I don't really know why, but it isn't a recent development. I read an article today in Runner's World magazine. I found it inspirational, which is the primary reason that

What a great picture for a Friday afternoon! Lily loves to kayak, but like any smart dog knows, one should never go boating without a lifevest. Safety first, and then have some fun! Thanks to my friend Leslie for sharing this terrific picture of her beloved dog -- Lily is greatness!

Well...I'm just sayin' ....a guy is driving along, minding his own business...when WHAM!!... he finds himself in a hole the size of a small house. According to the photographer, and person who helped rescue the poor fellow from his fallen Escalade, the sinkhole victim kept saying, "What happened???" If anyone ever says, "a little rain never hurt anybody"...don't you believe it!

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. I Cor 9:24 I wonder if the apostle Paul viewed life through the lens of winning and losing...? It opens up the question for me of Paul's personality type, and how personality may have informed his writing, and his theology. When you read Paul's autobiographical description in Philippians 3, he is quick to catalogue his personal accomplishments. If spiritual life was a competition, Paul ran to win...and was, in that context, a winner . Still, it was Paul's theology that nothing we do can earn a right relationship with God. In the Jewish culture of the day, being "right with God" was a function of having followed all of the rules...in a way, it was a "point system," and whoever scored the most spiritual points, won. It's interesting to me that Paul uses sports analogies, and frames spiritual life as a competition, given the fa

I recently purchased a Mac...I'm in the midst of an internal debate about whether to keep it or not...and whether perhaps, "I am a PC." Hard choice...mostly because I don't like change, and the Mac is definitely different. In my ongoing attempt to see the positive side of things, I'll say that the Mac has a really cool photo booth, with which you can take all manner of pictures, and distort the images in the funniest ways. Last week, 2 of my nieces and I had several hours of hilarity, simply taking distorted pictures...I mean truly, you cannot believe what kinds of crazy distortions you can create with this silly tool... The picture here is not distorted...so no wisecracks from the peanut gallery, if you don't mind...we took this picture in order to document our creation in a "book," and so that people who saw all the distorted pictures would actually recognize that it was us in the book. As I think back on our photo booth experiment, I realize th

A good friend sent me this picture yesterday...her grandson, in a staredown with the family's Great Dane. It's an adorable picture, of an adorable baby (and dog)...but someone pointed out to me that it is also a terrific visual metaphor for perspective . Those things that loom large in our vision are sometimes a relatively small part of the bigger picture...but when you're a baby looking into the face of a Great Dane, it's easy to loose perspective. Still, as River (the baby's name) demonstrates, we can stare down the things that intimidate us...and ultimately, win the larger battle. We don't have to back down and cower in the face of circumstances that overwhelm us...but it's tempting to do just that...at least for me. The lesson of perspective is that someday, in the not too distant future, the perspective for River the baby, and Oliver the Great Dane, will be reversed...and River will have the upper hand. Sometimes it's good to know that things do

Have you heard this song by Nickleback? It's a good song...catchy tune, good "hook", as they say in the business...and lyrics that are meaningful. The song is about living in the moment, and forgetting what is past...something that I honestly don't do very well, as much as I might want to, or try. Here are some of the words: My best friend gave me the best advice. He said each day's a gift and not a given right. Leave no stone unturned...leave your fears behind, and try to take the path less traveled. That first step you take is the longest stride. If today was your last day, tomorrow was too late, could you say good-bye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last, leave old pictures in the past, donate every dime you had? If today was your last day....tomorrow was too late, could you say good-bye to yesterday? I wonder if I would hold onto life itself with the same tenacity that I have held onto a lost relationship...? The energy it requires to gene

I love trees and gravel driveways. When I saw this picture, it reminded me of the driveway that leads to my grandparents' house. Their driveway was gravel, and had overhanging trees that lined it from the road, up to the house. I have a lifetime of happy memories surrounding this driveway...as a very young child, I loved to walk on the gravel and listen to it crunch...to pick up the gravel pebbles and throw them at the metal sign that hung from the pasture fence. More than 40 years later, the sound of a car turning onto a gravel drive still reminds me of every car that turned into my grandparents' driveway...signaling a visitor...and perhaps something exciting to hear about or learn...maybe it was a favorite aunt and uncle, or cousins. Many times, it was a nearby farmer, coming to discuss cows with my Grandaddy, or to buy hay...the business visitors were always a disappointment to me, because there wasn't anything for me in the deal. It's interesting to me, and poigna

Now faith is being sure of what hope for, and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 Why do I believe in God? Is mine a faith that is based in certainty? Some would say that faith and certainty, used together in a sentence, is an oxymoron. The very nature of faith involves uncertainty...as the writer of Hebrews has correctly said, "certain of what we do not see." How can we possibly be certain of something we cannot see? What is the evidence that God is, and that he is a rewarder of those who seek him? When I experienced the deaths of my grandparents, I never struggled with a question about what happens after death...I had a certainty, perhaps borne of youth, that all would be well....that they had gone over to a better place, reunited with family members and friends who had gone before...etc. Now, some 20 years later, sitting with my Mom, I find these questions coming up within me...what if it isn't true? What if my Mom, who has just passed through a very miserab

I went over to my Mom's room last night to pack up her stuff. We're moving her today, to a nursing home that is much closer to my father, and their home. We moved her to Dallas a few months ago, hoping maybe it would be a temporary stay, and thinking that my father would sell their house and move down this direction. Like many things in life, things didn't work out as planned. Mom can't speak very much anymore, except for perhaps a word here or there...usually though, when I say, "I love you," she can say, "I love you too." My Mom is the kind of person who was always hard to leave. If we went home for the weekend, or for a holiday, or even just for a short visit at a meal...she always made it extremely difficult to leave...there was always one more thing we needed to talk about, or one more question she wanted to ask. Truth was, she just didn't want us to leave. I sat with her for a few hours last night, and when it got late and time to

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." - Mother Theresa It takes time to love someone...to love well...and time is always pressing in upon us to do so many things. When I read this quote today, it took me aback, because it speaks so simply and so powerfully to the subject of how we use our time. Mother Theresa's quote reminds me that if I love well, it will take all of the time I have to give, and leave no time for judging.

Due to popular demand, I am turning over my blog this morning to my most faithful friend...Amy Jo. Amy is a mix of cocker spaniel and pomeranian, 7 years old (we are the exact same age in human years), and weighs 16 lbs. She is...if I might say so, the best dog in the world. I searched the world over for someone who was breeding cockers and pomeranians, and had her expected birthdate marked on my calendar, months before she was born. I picked up Amy and her only sibling (a male) when they were 6 weeks old, having waited 4 months for them to be born. Amy is, in every possible way, my dog. So....with that as introduction, let's see what Amy has to say about life in the big city... Hi...I'm Amy. I was born in south Dallas, and have one brother...his name is Boots...kind of a goofy name, if you ask me. I wanted to name him Tanner, because his fur is tan. I was just a baby then, so no one asked me my opinion. When Mom picked us up, she had planned to keep Boots, because she w

I had lunch today with one of my best friends, and by some accounts, my own personal life coach and philosopher. I should clarify something about the title "best friend," because I think it's worth noting that sometimes a person is not just one of your closest friends, but truly, one of the best friends you have, in terms of support, counsel, love and wisdom. This woman is just such a friend...a rare and precious gift. Because I live in Texas, and I was weaned on tex-mex, it is a given that many important meals in my life occur in a tex-mex restaurant....I only regret that today's meal was lunch, and required that I forego the margarita... Today's special: 2 enchiladas, rice & beans...with the sauce of your choice (queso, of course)...$4.99. Awesome. There is a lot in life that can be figured out over chips & salsa...maybe not everything, but a lot. Seems to me that the recipe for wise counsel usually mixes together a fair dose of what I want to hear, a

Life goes by quickly doesn't it? I was driving yesterday and came up behind a Sherwin Williams truck...it reminded me of Sharpstown Mall in Houston...there was a Sherwin Williams store just next to the drugstore where my Mom used to pick up prescriptions. In the store window there was an electric sign in the shape of a globe...paint would run down the sides of the globe, changing colors over and over...I would sit in the car and wait for my Mom for what seemed forever, and watch the paint covering the Sherwin Williams globe. I'd love it if I could go back for a moment to that time, and my Mom would come out from the drugstore...young and beautiful as she was during my childhood. My Mom is tall, 5'11", and when we went shopping in the department store, I always knew I could find her by looking above the clothing racks. I'm tall too...5'11", but I don't think I've ever carried the height with the kind of beauty and grace that my Mom did. We moved

It can work...walking the parking garage everyday for the past 2 weeks, it just occurred to me that it is very much like a labyrinth....with the added benefit up having to walk up , which adds to the calories burned. Walking is a very calming activity to me...I'm not much for speed walking, and depending on my mood of the day, I might move pretty darned slow...but a moderate pace seems to work most days, and helps me to work out the stuff in my head and heart. Scripture says to "work out your salvation with fear and trembling..." Growing up in the church, I always associated that (and other verses) as meaning that God was someone to be feared...as a child, what else could you take from the words "fear and trembling"? Nowadays, I'm trying to work out my salvation, absent the fear of reprisal and retribution that characterized my childhood understanding of God. Still...working out my salvation has been no easy task in recent years...did you know that there

Ok...here we go...it is JULY 6th...but we are getting ready for Christmas! Sometimes, I just need a good laugh...actually, ALL the time these days, I need a good laugh...and I'm happy to report that this sign made me laugh! This is no joke...this picture was taken at a store in the Dallas area this past 4th of July weekend...move over Uncle Sam and make room for Santa Claus!!

A simpler time...needless to say. The neighbors' sheets are hanging on the clothesline in the background...this picture was taken in Houston, in the Sharpview neighborhood....I was not yet 3 years old. My family lived there for a short time before moving to the first house that my parents ever purchased...a 3/2/2 Fox & Jacobs home in Sharpstown...in terms of kids in the neighborhood and stay-at-home Moms...I grew up in The Wonder Years . I don't think I'm revealing my identity and location by sharing this picture of my Grandmother pushing me on the swingset in 1963. Interesting things about my Grandmother...ALWAYS wore a dress, but by golly, if you look closely, you'll see that she's wearing houseslippers....also a staple of her daily dress. My Grandmother was enormously gifted in math and science, and would probably have been a physician had she been born in my generation. As a child, she would show me the anatomical drawings she did in her high school sc

Selecting this picture today is what might be called "the power of positive thinking..." The one thing that is usually certain about 4th of July weekend in Texas...sunny weather...not this year. It has been raining most of the week, and chance are it will rain most of today. I can be philosophical about the need for rain for just so long, and then it really starts to wear on my nerves! I need some hot sun...soon. Yesterday I wrote about the melancholy of the missing tooth...this morning, the memory of what I wrote reminds me of something that Brian McLaren talks about quite often... what you're paying attention to determines what you miss . If we apply Brian's principle to the missing tooth, I guess it means that looking for the missing tooth results in missing all the teeth that are present. But it's a funny thing, the mind...and the body. When you have a missing tooth, your tongue is almost uncontrollably preoccupied with feeling in that empty space. Maybe

These are some of my high aspirations for the 4th of July weekend...the picture at left is an actual photo taken at KaBoom Town, the annual fireworks event that occurs in Addison, Texas every July 3rd. Recently, I've taken a job with a company whose offices overlook the KaBoom Town site, so I'll have front row seats to the big show. I have some melancholy as I head into the weekend, all my best intentions to be cheerful notwithstanding. I have the feeling of the lost tooth that your tongue keeps trying to find...a wonderful description of melancholy that comes from the movie Because of Winn Dixie. As much as I can find moments of enjoyment and gratefulness each day, there is still a hole...and there's something about being human that makes me keep noticing the hole...like when you have a mouth full of teeth, except for the one that's missing...and your tongue keeps going back to the empty spot. I wish I could make myself focus on all the "teeth" that are p

As I've been sleeping in the bottom of my storm-tossed boat, I have had one eye open, watching for the whale that God might send my way. It could be a misread on my part, but I have had this odd compulsion these last few days to read the lyrics of hymns. First, I started with The Baptist Hymnal...an old fav' of mine...the hymnal from which I first learned to play the piano. Last night, I couldn't find Be Still, My Soul in The Baptist Hymnal, so switched to The Broadman Hymnal (I have quite a few hymnals around my house...in case you were wondering...). The Broadman belonged to my grandparents, and in this case I guess, to Mt. Gilead Baptist Church, because the church name is embossed on the cover. For all of my lifetime, the cornerstone for Mt. Gilead leaned up against a brick pillar on my grandparents' carport. In the early 60's, someone burned the church down, and when it was rebuilt, the old cornerstone was picked up by my Grandaddy, I suppose, and carri

I had just graduated from Baylor University, and went home to live with my parents for the summer, before moving to Ft. Worth to attend seminary...TBS was brand new, and for the first time in my life, I could watch Atlanta Braves baseball on a daily basis...my childhood team...and they were winning...well, for awhile anyway. I had 2 summer jobs that year...one at Montgomery Wards, and a second as youth minister for a small Baptist church. Someday I might write about my experiences in that small Baptist church...middle schoolers can really open your eyes to a whole new way of seeing life! You might wonder what causes me to write about the summer of 1982 this morning, and there is a reason for it...for the last week or so, I've been listening to a John Michael Talbot CD that first became meaningful to me in that summer almost 30 years ago...musically speaking, it has staying power for me. I'll never forget that one of my most beloved music professors from Baylor made a ca