ContemplativeJourney

Cookies...chocolate chip cookies. An innocent enough item, and yet, something that I have to be more careful about... Yesterday was a difficult day for me. Strange dreams and major difficulty with focusing on my work all day long...I had been encouraged about the issue of mental focus at work, because Thursday and Friday of last week were very good days...but yesterday was tough, and I was discouraged. I am part of a small spiritual formation group that meets once each month, and I invited the group to meet in my home last night. In my effort to 'be the ideal hostess', I prepared fresh chocolate chip cookies for my guests...they enjoyed the cookies, but then they left...and I ate the entire remaining batch by myself. A total of 15 cookies, I think...to be honest, I lost count. There are many things I could say about the cookie binge...I have a history of compulsive eating to explain the behavior, for those of you who don't know me that well. I have also begun participating ...

I woke up this morning in a bit of a funk...not really a bad mood, but a little odd...I had a very strange dream before waking...was alternately staying at a resort where I had an assigned golf cart to get around...then trying to navigate through traffic in a major city (in the golf cart)....then turning the golf cart in on my departure day (very vivid scene, in the circular drive that is common to large resort hotels). In this particular scene, my Mom was present...not in a dramatic way, but just very matter of fact...she was standing there as I took my stuff out of the cart and turned in the keys. Next, I was running down the street to a 7-11, taking off layers of shirts (not to worry, I ultimately still had a shirt on, after the peeling of layers)...I went in to get something for lunch...in a hurry. The woman who worked there was in the back office, rather than out front...there was a line of people, and I was searching the coolers for a Diet Coke. I had a difficult time finding one...

Last night I was reading The Richest Man in Babylon , by George Clason. If you've never heard of the book, it's a classic...an allegory on the subject of how to wisely handle your finances. Sometimes when I'm reading a book, I stumble upon a statement or question that is totally unexpected in its impact, and last night was such a time. In this chapter, the story was of a young man who had squandered the money his father entrusted to him to begin his life as a man. As a consequence of his bad choices and seemingly insurmountable debt, the young man ultimately ends up being sold into slavery... While a slave, the young man has a conversation with the wife of his owner, and relays his tale of woe...how his life has been marred by "ill fortune." In response to his tale, the wife asks this question: "Have you the soul of a slave or the soul of a free man?" If you happen to be a Christian, or even if you're simply familiar with the writings of the Apostle ...

Life can certainly be mysterious sometimes...and just when I think I've figured something out, I realize how very little I know, and how very much I've yet to learn. Over the past 2 years, I've given a lot of thought to the subject of transformation, and to what it means to live an authentic life as a follower of Christ. In the past 60 days, I went through a period of questioning everything I've ever believed about either, and found myself having to start again...asking hard questions about the beliefs that make up the core of who I am. It is with a great deal of peace this morning...inexplicable peace, I might add...that I return to the roots of a faith that has served me well these last 40 years, even when I have been faithless. On the subject of faith, I read Hebrews, chapters 11, 12, and 13 last night... Here are a few of the passages that spoke to me: For faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were com...

As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man. -Proverbs 27:19 I have made a focused effort in recent days to spend more time reading the Bible. During the past week, several passages have made an impression on me, and challenged my way of thinking. Last week, I read 1 Corinthians 15. If you're unfamiliar with the passage, it is Paul's response to people who denied the bodily resurrection of the dead. In it, he says that to deny the resurrection is to deny the central message of the Gospel - that Christ died for our sins, and was raised again on the 3rd day. If indeed Jesus has risen, the rest of us will rise too...and if Jesus did not conquer death, the Christian message is moot. It should be packed up and stored in the attic, because it would be without effect or power. I do believe in the resurrection...in Christ and his atonement for sin. I affirm the core truths that led the first followers of Jesus to give up their lives in service of the Gospel. It is ...

What else have I got to do with my time? Seriously, I've recently joined an online community called Spark People ( http://www.sparkpeople.com/ ), which is a group committed to encouraging healthy lifestyles, and have been inspired to embark on a virtual journey to climb Mt. Kilamanjaro. My goal is to climb the mountain virtually in the next 3 weeks, and to someday climb the real mountain as well. I joined Spark People last week, and though these folks didn't know me at all, I received a tremendous amount of encouragement and support during the days I was sitting with my Mom. I am a Sparker for life, I'll tell ya! If you're so inclined, join me on the virtual climb...I'm using a treadmill, and today I climbed 1,122 feet on my journey toward the summit: 19,298 feet.

It is our philosophical set of the sail that determines the course of our lives. To change our current direction, we have to change our philosophy, not our circumstances. - Jim Rohn Ahoy matey! It is time once again, to set the sail of my philosophy. Since I first wrote about the 5 Major Pieces of the Life Puzzle, circumstances have changed on several fronts...the one commonality of the change is that I am not in control of the external events occurring in and around my life. I do however, have control of my mind. I am not a duck, a rabbit, or a squirrel...I am not imprisoned by dumb instinct, nor are any of us. We have the God-given ability to alter our thoughts, our perceptions, and indeed, our reactions to the circumstances that we encounter on life's journey. Part of my process for setting the sail involves listening to CDs and reading...I am subjecting my mind to things that will change my thinking for the better. One of the lessons in recent days has to do with happiness. Hap...

It's football season again, and for the first time in my life, I'm going to play Fantasy Football. For a woman, this might not seem the least bit unusual, but if you knew me very well, you'd know that the chances of my being involved in Fantasy Football would be high...I've been loving football since I was 5 years old...at least, that's as far back as I can remember, and I absolutely do remember. When I was a kid, I remember watching "This Week in the NFL" on Saturday afternoons, with Steve Sabol narrating. I loved the music, the narration, the drama...the steam rising off the heads of players as they stood outside in the cold. It might seem very strange indeed, but as a kid, I found the pageantry of football romantic. It represented winning and losing, and all the drama of competition, and perhaps most of all...overcoming adversity while the clock is ticking down the minutes to the final gun... As I think about my Fantasy Football group, and the upcoming...

My spiritual heritage... small...country...Methodist and Baptist. Nothing can ever change my roots, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning, and great is Thy faithfulness. -Lam. 3:22-23

...and a purpose for everything under heaven. On Monday afternoon, the temperature gauge on the limousine read 112 degrees. This morning, as I drove to work, the temperature gauge on my car dashboard read 72 degrees...with a light rain falling. Fall is coming, and I'm amazed at how quickly the seasons can turn. I am not unrealistic about this change, because I live in Texas, and the heat will most certainly make a comeback before fall arrives...nevertheless, today's light breeze, rain and cooler temperature is a bellweather of the changing season. I love fall...it has always been my favorite season...the beginning of school, football, fall clothing....all of it...I love. For some reason, fall has always seemed like more of a beginning than an ending, probably because of the school calendar. Even more than January, I see September as a month of fresh starts. I am also reminded of the fact that my life is cycling through the seasons, and I am transitioning from the summer to the ...

Today is a day for gratitude. After a long and tiring day yesterday, I was not at my mental best, and accidentally gave my 16 lb dog an Ambien...a hypnotic sleep aid that is definitely meant for adult humans, and not for dogs. The instant I gave it to her, I realized my mistake...but it was too late. I wasn't sure what to do, and had taken Ambien myself, so drowsiness was already upon me...I noticed that rather than becoming sleepy, Amy became more agitated and restless...and ultimately, she threw up. At that point I called the 24-hour animal emergency clinic...they directed me to call Poison Control for Animals. Did you know there is a Poison Control center for animals?? I didn't. I was told that there is a charge for calling poison control, but I didn't care about that...when I got the woman on the phone and told her my story, she said, "take your dog to the ER, right now." I asked about how I needed to pay for their charge, and she said, "I'm not goin...

...is that it goes on. This morning at 10 a.m., family and friends joined to remember and celebrate my Mom's life. By today's standards, Mom didn't have the longest of lives...only 77 years...and yet, she lived her life with elegance and grace until the very end. Her doctors, nurses and caregivers, to a person, always commented on the fact that my Mom was one of the sweetest patients they had ever cared for...that she never complained, and rarely even expressed her displeasure by a frown or unhappy facial expression. Sometimes, this aspect of her nature was a source of struggle for the two of us, because I am not like her in this respect...I am usually too vocal, and too quick to express my discomfort or displeasure. Now that Mom has left me her legacy, I pray that I will grow into the elegant and graceful woman of God she modeled for me these last 49 years. I noticed today that life goes one...flags continue to flutter in the wind, birds continue to sing, the sun continues...

My precious Mom slipped the surly bonds of earth this morning, and winged her way to Heaven. Even writing these words seems unreal to me...impossible. From the moment we are born, for most of us, our Mother defines the universe. We learn the most fundamental things about life and living from our Mom, and the idea that I cannot call my Mom to ask for advice, encouragement, or even for a recipe...seems incomprehensible. From midnight until just after 4:00 this morning, I laid in bed with my Mom and talked. I talked about all kinds of things, including silly stuff like the weather, and the age of the lamp on the nightstand. I also said some things to my Mom that I never told her when she was fully present, and I cried some tears about the fact that we sometimes learn too late that we should let down our guards, and allow people to truly know us. Because my Mom's pulse seemed strong, I chose to leave her bed at a few minutes after 4:00 to lay on the couch for a short nap. At 5:15 whil...

Dear Mom, I wanted to write you a letter to take with you when you go. I don't know when you'll go, but I know it will be soon, and I want you to have something from me to take on your trip. We're sitting up together tonight...sort of. You're sleeping mostly, and I've been talking to you about things that are important, and about things that might not be important. It's a hodgepodge of things, and the conversation is kind of one-sided. They tell me that you can hear everything I say, so I'm talking alot. We're listening to beautiful piano music - hymns. Your favorite. I realized tonight that I know the words to all the songs on this CD because of you. All the words, and the message behind the words too. Today was a really good day -- or, I should say, yesterday. Terry and Robin came, and Adam came too. Erica came and brought Lexi and Ava. Brother Bobby came and stayed for awhile, and he prayed with all of us, and then spent time talking with Dad. I know ...

I have to give credit to Jim Rohn for much of this material, and the thoughts that spring from it... I have been in the process of trying to 're-make' my mind, and as has often been in the past, I've found Jim Rohn's material to be extremely helpful. A few weeks ago, before I felt I had the capacity to read something that was beyond the easiest material to absorb, I read Dan Brown's latest book, The Lost Symbol . In it, part of the storyline has to do with studying the power of our minds, known as 'noetic science.' It's an interesting read. I guess I was drawn into the topic because of my need to find a solution to my ongoing malaise...according to the story, my mind truly is the key to changing my world. I realize that none of this is new information, but it seems that I have to keep learning the same truths over and over again... I read As a Man Thinketh this weekend, by James Allen. He posits the same theory about the power of our mind and our thinki...