Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I wanted to write you a letter to take with you when you go. I don't know when you'll go, but I know it will be soon, and I want you to have something from me to take on your trip. We're sitting up together tonight...sort of. You're sleeping mostly, and I've been talking to you about things that are important, and about things that might not be important. It's a hodgepodge of things, and the conversation is kind of one-sided. They tell me that you can hear everything I say, so I'm talking alot. We're listening to beautiful piano music - hymns. Your favorite. I realized tonight that I know the words to all the songs on this CD because of you. All the words, and the message behind the words too.

Today was a really good day -- or, I should say, yesterday. Terry and Robin came, and Adam came too. Erica came and brought Lexi and Ava. Brother Bobby came and stayed for awhile, and he prayed with all of us, and then spent time talking with Dad. I know that if you could have been fully present with us, the whole day would have made you very happy, and so I'm hoping that you know enough to have felt the goodness of the day. Michelene and Rachael came tonight and are sleeping in the living room -- Michelene on the couch and Rachael in a chair. They love you very much, and they love me well. I've been so blessed by friendships, and people who love me well even when I make it hard to love me at all. Erica's friend Rachel came and brought dinner, and then her husband and little girl Sydney came too. Ava went with them to spend the night, and the girls played dress-up with Sydney's Princess costumes.

Jim and Trish came tonight, and Jim was full of stories and jokes, like he always is. He has a very hard time being here and seeing you struggle, as I know you understand. He loves you so very much, as do we all. I guess after being with Grandmother and Suzanne when they left us, he can barely stand to see you go.

The nurse told us that we all need to talk with you and let you know that it's okay to go...and it is okay Mom. You've always held us together, and held us up...and quietly soldiered on, even when you struggled with multiple health challenges these last 15 years. I can't think of another woman in the entire world that I love or respect more than you Mom. You are the most kind and gracious woman I have ever known, and you have touched more lives than you know. When I think of your quiet strength, the way that you took care of so many for so long, it makes me long for the moment when you can truly rest. I know that you desire peace and harmony above all things, and my deepest hope is that you will be ushered into peace and joy unspeakable in that instant when you enter Heaven's gates.

We talked tonight about Christmas cookies and California earthquakes, and all the moments in between. We've had a wonderful life together Mom, and you have been everything that a daughter could hope for or need. I know that I've been a mystery over the years, and that my moods and feelings have been a puzzle to you. I want you to know above all else, that I love you deeply, and treasure every moment we've had together.

When you get to Heaven, I'd love it if you'd do your "chicken dance" for everyone there. They'll love it, and I think it would be an amazing and fun way to start the celebration. Tell Grandmother and Grandaddy hello for me, and Uncle Jolly and Aunt Eunice too. Give my love to everyone there Mom, and keep an eye out for me and everyone here. You're about to join the 'great cloud of witnesses,' and even though I won't be able to see you with my eyes, we will forever be together in the communion of the saints. I know you can pray for us with a wisdom that we don't have during this life, so please keep praying, and asking God to take care of your crew.

I love you Mom. I found this picture of a cardinal in flight, and I knew you would love it. In just a few moments you'll have your wings, and you can fly too. Everytime I see a redbird, I promise to think of you.

All my love,

Susie