Redbirds and rainbows...

My precious Mom slipped the surly bonds of earth this morning, and winged her way to Heaven. Even writing these words seems unreal to me...impossible. From the moment we are born, for most of us, our Mother defines the universe. We learn the most fundamental things about life and living from our Mom, and the idea that I cannot call my Mom to ask for advice, encouragement, or even for a recipe...seems incomprehensible.

From midnight until just after 4:00 this morning, I laid in bed with my Mom and talked. I talked about all kinds of things, including silly stuff like the weather, and the age of the lamp on the nightstand. I also said some things to my Mom that I never told her when she was fully present, and I cried some tears about the fact that we sometimes learn too late that we should let down our guards, and allow people to truly know us. Because my Mom's pulse seemed strong, I chose to leave her bed at a few minutes after 4:00 to lay on the couch for a short nap. At 5:15 while I dozed on the couch, my Mom snuck out of her bed and flew to freedom...I so wanted to be with her when the angels whisked her away, but for whatever the reason, it wasn't meant to be, and I'm trying to be okay with that...

Yesterday morning I wrote a letter to my Mom, and shared it on this blog. As I have several times, I wrote about my Mom's love of redbirds, and closed by saying I will always think of her when I see a redbird...early this afternoon, while working on the arrangements for her memorial service, I heard a tweeting sound that I instinctively knew was a cardinal...when I looked up, I was taken aback by a female cardinal that had alighted on a thin branch outside the window. Even though I thought I knew the sound was a cardinal, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her there. She turned and looked in my direction...and then as quickly as she came, she flew away. You might think this a coincidence, but maybe I could persuade you otherwise, if I told you that I've never seen a cardinal outside my Mom's dining room window...and I have been eating meals and sitting at that table for more than 30 years now. If you're anything like me, a moment like this is something you want to grasp and hold tight...but like my Mom this morning, I cannot grasp the redbird. Life comes from God, and when our earthly time is done, nothing can keep us here.

On July 31st, I wrote of some of the sadness of seeing my Mom completely lose her ability to communicate with me, and mentioned something about rainbows and the hope they bring. As I drove home this evening, I saw one of the most complete rainbow arcs I've ever seen. The rainbow is God's promise to us, and always...always, is a harbinger of hope and better days.

My Mom's life is just beginning, and as a dear friend said to me this morning, "Your Mom is like she was before, only better!" No more illness, no more pain...redbirds and rainbows and joy without ceasing are now her constant companions. God's promise is to us, and to our children, and to our children's children...and even death has lost its sting.