When things feel bleak, turn on the lights....

Sometimes I struggle with depression, and today was one of the those days. I don't know why exactly, and I'd like to blame it on the fact that I've had a head cold, or allergy issues, or something like that...but in truth, I think my mood is about something more than sneezing, congestion and a nagging cough. If I look at the circumstances of my life today, I have nothing to feel depressed about, really...except for the situation with my Mom's health, which is difficult. I have wondered many times over the last few months about how people handle chronic illness in a family member or loved one. It is such a difficult path to walk, and as far as I know, it's a path that all of us will have to walk at one time or another. It rained here today, and the skies were dark all day. I went around my house and turned on all the lights, thinking it would help my mood...it didn't help much, but I guess even a little light is better than no light at all.

When I feel this way, I try to imagine in my prayer life that I'm just holding onto God...holding on while the tempest of my dark mood swirls around me, trusting that soon, the storm will die down, and the sun will come back. In contemplative prayer, we are given the space and the freedom to simply sit, and hold on...there is no performing required, no 'correct way' to do it...and for me, this is a relief. I'm hoping for a sunnier day tomorrow, but if it doesn't come, I'll still be holding on...